My First Step


I never thought I’d get a chance to do what I’m doing. It’s such a dream
– Maya Rudolph

That was exactly what I feel at the moment when I  see my name on the screen of the university’s website. It has announced me that I was accepted to be an international student there. Yes, international. And Yes, as a student. For some people it might be awesome, but for some others it might not. Well, people do have their own thought, and I can’t change it. This is my story, and this is what I exactly feel. Just for share. 🙂

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Illustration: Me at NTU College of Management

At first, I never even imagine to study until the highest level. Not a single thought. Until one day, my father told me to keep studying when there’s a chance to do so. At that time I just feel like “Ahaha, my dad only says a joke, I don’t even graduate from my master degree program, how am I suppose to think about study PhD? Oh, come on!”.  However, he always says that he has a good feeling about it, but still I doubt myself. No wonder. Nobody ever says that study PhD is easy, and human being tend to look for easiness (even though some people also might like to take a risk, and think that difficulties is a great challenge). 😀 😛

If you have a dream, give it a chance to happen
– Richard M. Devos

Towards the end for graduate from my master degree. I came back to think about the chance that my dad ever told me. A chance suddenly came from my supervisor.  A chance of full scholarship if I would submit an application as a PhD student at the same university. Yes, full scholarship. SCHOLARSHIP! and well, PhD program. I felt both determined and doubt. Should I take it? Well, I was thinking about my career. I want to be a lecturer. That’s it. Then why still I doubt myself to study PhD? Age? Skill? Confidence? Frankly, I have to say, it does! How my future will be? Will I regret it?

However, too many thought in my mind. I thought that I must release them. Back to priority. My parents’ wish, and I only want to make them proud of me. Beside that, I also doing something which is good for my shake. Then I thought:

So take the chance, and never look back! Keep on going!

Winner never quit, and quitter never win!

Berlelah-lelahlah, manisnya hidup terasa setelah berjuang
(The sweet of life will come after struggling)
– Imam Syafi’i

Eventually, I made my first step to that level, but frankly, I was thinking “Can I do it? Can I finish it? Do I deserve for it?” Many people underestimate me by saying this and that, and asking me why? and why?. Too many statements and questions that I couldn’t even explain clearly how to answer it. But hey! Everybody has their own way, we can’t generalize it. What we can do is, keep focusing on what we are doing. “Chase dream, not people“. Feel grateful for everything that you have, even a single thing.  

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I wish I could fly, high! – at NTU Library

At the end, I’ve been doing fine, and I want to keep doing fine, not only for my shake, but also for my parents. I will do my best to finish it soon. Allah will guide the way. Just believe it.

“There’s no success without struggle” just like Frederick Douglas said.

台科大, 台北, 台灣。
April 20, 2016. ❤

You can’t stop the wave from coming, but you can learn how to surf.
– John Kabat Zinn

 

Warm regards,
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2 thoughts on “My First Step

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